I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
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