Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
