24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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