so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
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