Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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