I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
