So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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