Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Randomize