Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
