Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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