i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
