not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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