I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
