He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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