maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
