Your face is a jimmy john
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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