Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
