so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
