areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
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I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
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I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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