it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
