Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
