so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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