this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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