Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
