In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Randomize
