I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
