just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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