Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
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