He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
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walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
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I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
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