i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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