her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
We left the knife in your bed.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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