Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Randomize
