sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
