it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
