it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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