my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
