All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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