So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
