I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
