how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
