maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
