yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Randomize
