i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
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