drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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