I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
