I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I smell stomach acid.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
