Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
