my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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