i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
