I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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