The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
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