He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
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Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
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