We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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