we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
