"it" just moved
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
