Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
