she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Randomize
