i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Randomize
