I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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