Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
