we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
