My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
