My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
