You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
