Betty ford says i'm here all night
People in love make me want to vomit
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
My penis needs a shock collar
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
