Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Randomize
