she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
