I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
