All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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