this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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