Plan B is the new Plan A
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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