Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
