Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I want her autograph on my taint
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
