Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
