Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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